18th June 2015–the first Renunion

This was one of the most important days of my life.

On the 17^th evening I met Anton Muthuhara, my primary and high school mate almost after 31 years. Anton has been in my class from primary school to 9^th grade at St Joseph’s College.

Anton was not particularly good with studies and I think that was not his fault, but the fault of the education system we were brought up in. He had slightly crossed eyes, which invited name calling from rest of our classmates. And he often ran into trouble and was punished by teachers. That included caning on the buttocks or on the palm, kneeling down outside the classroom or suspension. I do not think we were that close friends. But when I look back, I see us like members of a family. When you are brothers and sisters and living together, you take each other for granted. You run into conflicts and arguments. You seldom appreciate each other. But through the time, you learn about each other inside and out and create this deep bond. So, we had a sort of a relationship that was deep but we did not understand it until we reconnected three decades later. I think possibly Anton remember details of our relationship more than I. He even thanked me for helping him with studies. Frankly, I do not remember that. But I only remember I was not that selfish in sharing my notes, homework or helping my mates during exams (although it was against the rules). I remember some others were more stingy and self protective. I simply did not care. I think I earned some respect through those values. And that is why I was in good relationship with almost everyone in the class. I think I am fortunate that I was not one of those hated ones in the class who did not particularly like sharing homework assignments etc. I am glad things turned out that way. For me, it did not matter Anton did not well in his studies or got into frequent trouble. So as Nilano, who christened me with my nick name gadawila (or earth worm due to my middle name, Gladwin or Gladwyn). I do not think anyone got into trouble as much as Nilano and Anton. But the important aspect was that none of them cared a damn about it. They bravely faced up to the situation although I remember Anton with eyes full of tears sometimes after being caned on the butt! They just remained themselves, which I admire now than then. They were inherently good people. I think I learned to appreciate goodness in people by understand the deep human beings in them instead of what they do or how they look. Anton and Nilano taught me that lesson.

Anton and I met over dinner at the Sri Lankan restaurant in DC called Banana Leaf, just opposite Politics and Prose book shop.

I was early and waited for about 20 minutes. I was counting minutes and so impatient that I posted a photo of empty table awaiting my long lost friend.

Then Anton showed up. We hugged and sat down for dinner. I ordered a black pork curry and he ordered a buriyani. It was Anton who discovered this restaurant, the only Sri Lankan restaurant in DC. They did not have alcohol license so Anton went across the street to the CVS pharmacy and bought a half a dozen of Heineken beer cans. A pharmacy that sells beer! There was no better place to dine that night than in the company of near-authentic Sri Lankan dishes.

We did not know where to start. While catching up we roughly planned our next day. Anton suggested I move into his hotel room that night so that we could set off together. We talked about our childhood and tried to catch up rapidly with what happened to us after we left school. After dinner, Anton drove in his rented huge GMC SUV to Bethesda where I was staying. He later told me he preferred driving bigger vehicles on long trips, which totally made sense! I introduced him to my hosts, Rosemary and David briefly and then quickly packed a few things and drove back to his DC hotel near 23^rd and M street. We went up to the room and then chatted for a while until we felt asleep.

Next morning we woke up at 5:15am or so. We left the hotel as planned at 6:00am. Anton was well organized. He had his GPS and also a kind of a radar detector which could not only detect radar but also detect devices that were tracking such radar detectors. We started out journey south from DC, first through Interstate 66 or I66.

Around 7:30 am or so we stopped and had a full southern style breakfast at a country restaurant. The breakfast included grits, which I have never tried. We told to ourselves this is going to be THE meal for the day as it will be a day of driving. We then set off I66 to I85 to I77 towards North Carolina.

I told Anton about my friend Jackie who was living in Charlotte. Jackie wanted to meet but later told me that it was too long of a drive for her to come from Charlotte to Jonesville where we were going. Anton then suggested we go closer to the northern part of the ring road over Charlotte and try to meet her there. Coincidentally, Jackie had the same idea and she suggested a place to meet near Concord. That was our first destination.

It was a long drive, so we had a lot of time to slowly catch up with our lives. The Anton I met that was not the Anton I have seen in my class. The Anton I met on that day was a person with full of confidence and self-esteem. I then thought that sometimes the school life, school discipline and spoonfeeding education is designed to let a few persons succeed and a lot more fail. And the persons who fail that system were not only looked down upon, but their confidence and self esteem destroyed. Anton probably went through such a screwed up system. I did not know that he lost his father when he was 9 or 10 years old. He and his three other brothers were then brought up by his single mother. It has been a very tough life for him. Loss of his father has undoubtedly affected his academic life. And the system and teachers at school were of not much help, but rather exacerbated his situation. He became a bit of a rebel in the class, which invited more trouble.

Anton recited an incident when he shaved his head after another classmate, who came from a well off family shaved his head. The well off classmate was suspended for one week. But Anton, who came from an ordinary family, was suspended for one month. He also told me how a particular teacher disliked him and told him again and again that he will make sure Anton will not progress to Grade 10. Such intimidation and threats made him more stubborn and more rebellious.

After leaving school, Anton went to work at the Union Chemist pharmacy at the Union Place, Colombo. Anton lived in Pilapitiya Kelaniya and commuted to work from there. I then reminded Anton my godfather, Anthony Fernando, also worked at the Union Chemist Pharmacy as a manager for some time. Anto uncle, as I called him, knew the owner of the Union Chemist, who is related to Anton (now it is getting complicated here as I am referring to two Anton/Anthonys). Anton remembered him. In fact, it was Anto uncle who admitted into the SJC due to his past connections to the school. He has taught there and even taught respected lawyers like Romesh Fernando. Anto uncle also knew R. Premadasa, who was to become Prime Minister and President of Sri Lanka. After working there for a while, Anton started studying a pharmacist course. While the studies were still going on, he transitioned into a job at the State Pharmaceutical Corporation and started working at Osu Sala. He told me during 1989 and 1990 period when the country was affected by emergency law due to JVP youth insurrection, he and his colleagues virtually lived at Osu Sala with some accommodation arranged for them in the building. They worked round the clock as Osu Sala operated 24/7. During this time he and his colleagues experimented mixing and creating new drugs, including ointments for muscle pain. He told me that the solution used in now popular Voltarine was first experimented by them mixing a pill or contents of a capsule with aqueous cream. He told me he was exporting some medicine pills cheaply available in Pakistan and was making profit out of them. The entrepreneur in him was emerging slowly. It was around 1990 or early 1990s he met his current wife, a Canadian national of Sri Lankan origin at a wedding. Her family was related to Anton’s and they fell in love and he got married to Kumi, which paved the way to Anton’s passage to Calgary.

Anton told me about how hard he worked during those first years transitioning from one job to another. He worked 16 to 18 hour work days during harsh winter days and was ready to experiment various businesses all the time. He ran 7-11s, and learned to drive 53-foot trucks and ended up being a trucker for 6 months. Through his story I saw the entrepreneur in Anton. In fact, he always have had that entrepreneur in him since his childhood. Our school education did not allow such entrepreneurship to blossom. He had to come to a free land and land of opportunity like Canada to fully benefit from his talents. I was so happy to hear his story of success. I was so proud of him and felt how lucky I am to still have him as my friend and meet him like this. I was especially impressed by his level of confidence. He was a man in control of his life and business. He knew his work so well and he know how to survive. He has explored the world of entrepreneurship and succeeded. He told me that all that has come through due to extreme dedication and hard work. Nothing has come easy—but earned with dedication and sweaty hands. And Anton is a smart fellow. I really regret that our teachers at SJC were not smart enough to discover talent and entrepreneur in Anton.

When we arrived at Concord, it was after 1pm. When we arrived at Panera Bread, Jackie has just arrived with her youngest son. When we got off the car, the heat struck us: it was sunny and burning hot! And it took toll on both Anton’s and my bold heads. We did not have much time. I really appreciate Jackie took the trouble to drive over one hour to get there. It was a meeting after 27 years. We did not have much privacy to talk. I thought it was better that way as it was an abruptly arranged visit. We spent about 15 minutes, took some photos and parted. Before leaving I gave Jackie some gifts I brought along with me.

After that we headed towards Jonesville. Due to the D-tour to visit Jackie, we lost much time. I felt bad about this. I felt I was a bit selfish to push for Jackie meeting. Anton was kind and understanding. We were eager for what was waiting for us in Jonesville. The GPS guided us to the house where Nilano and his family are staying without a problem. But when we arrived at the house, both Anton and I were not sure about the place. In fact we arrived at the back side of the house, near a store room surrounded by various old motor cycles etc. I think Anton told me these sort of houses are called acre lands, meaning acres of land were attached to each house. It was a quiet neighborhood. The area looked remote and non-urban. We backed up once and tried going around the house. But we then realized there was no road to go around. There was a warning sign saying “Private Property. No Trespassing.” I told Anton, we need to remember we are in America. We do not want to be the strangers who wander into a wrong property and have gun pointed at us! The house was made of wood. There was large plastic swimming pool by the house. We backed off and parked again at the same place near the store room-like placed. We then walked to the door of the the house and knocked at the door. I let Anton go first and I was holding phone with video function on. Nilano opened the door and warmly hugged and greeted us. He was talking in a thick southern accent. He was repeating: after 31 years! It was an emotional moment. Who would have thought in 1984 that the next time we three would meet will be some place in North Carolina in the US after 31 years? We were overwhelmed with emotions.

Nilano looked well! He had a short hair cut and was in better shape than both Anton and I. He has always been a handsome and well-built fellow. He was the ultimate fighter in the class. He would get involve in other people’s fights to defend his friends and often got into trouble with teachers.

Nilano, known as Shane to his family and friends in the US, ushered us in. The air conditioning was running in full blast on that hot day. We saw an old man, another man and the woman. The woman was Jennifer, Nilano’s ex-wife or wife of his second marriage. The other man was Jennifer’s boyfriend. And the old man was Jennifer’s father. The old man has just arrived back from hospital. Everyone was busy trying to settle him back. I felt this was not the best moment to arrive at the house. Everyone was busy and occupied with the old man. We settled in a coldly air conditioned room with a lot of plants, some small some big. We started talking and remembering some incidents from our school life. But Nilano was also occupied with the old man and others in the house. He was trying to take care of everyone. We felt that he was very happy to see us. We too were extremely happy to see him. But we needed some time with him alone. And we were not sure whether we are going to have that time or not. Anton and I were extremely hungry too. It was around 3:30pm and we have not had our lunch.

We briefly met Nilano’s youngest daughter. She was lovely young teenager. Nilano explained to us his current predicament. He has been diagnosed with a tumor behind his spine in the neck area. Due to this, he has lost his job—he could not pass the medical exam that was required for his job. He has got a 6,000$ bill for an MRI scan. While we were talking about Nilano’s health situation, the old man was telling Nilano that his medical bill is about 100,000$. He is suffering from cancer. The old man was examining his medical bills and telling Nilano: “they have charged 400$ to just admit me to the hospital! 400$! I wish I would have dropped there and died at that moment!” Later when I returned to DC I was talking with Rosemary, who was hosting me at Bethesda and she told me that NC is one of the worst states when it comes to health insurance coverage. Nilano has no medical insurance. He has lost his job. He was telling all these problems with a smile on his face. But we realized a lot of things are happening in his life.

Nilano was very proud of being a US Marine. He has come straight from the school to US to be trained as a marine. Thereafter he has served the marines has also worked in Iraq. He has also managed to get a pilot license. He told us that initially he wanted to be trained as a pilot in Colorado but ended up joining the marines. He indicated his passion for guns. NIlano has communicated to me in around summer 2012 that he owned a truck company and was doing business then in Iraq and Europe. This means he was doing quite well those days. He also told me his intention to help out some of our classmates in Sri Lanka who were not doing well. He genuinely hoped to help.

Time was running out. We quietly asked him whether it is possible for us to go somewhere to find something to eat. He said yes, and started calling his elder daughter and girlfriend. He told us, let’s go to Bojangles. We had no idea what was Bojangles. We set off arrived at this chicken joint called Bojangles.

As we were arriving there, Nilano’s elder daughter, her husband and girlfriend too arrived. We briefly met Nilano’s second son who was working at Bojango. We ordered some food and sat down to catch up more. Nilano was then telling his daughter how much fun we had at school. He told her, at exams everyone copied. He also told this alter boy story.

When he was acting as an alter boy, he found the bottle of wine priests use for communion. It was a nice sweet wine. He then called his friends and finished the whole bottle, he himself drinking most. After that he was totally drunk and could not move and the old man who was taking care of the chapel had to drag him out of the chapel from its rear entrace.

An old photo of St Joseph\’s college taken from the rear side of the school where Beiray lake is.

He also reminded Anton of the story of catching fish at the Beiray lake. This was a lake situated behind our school and during the 8^th grade our classes were lined up right by the lake. We found a way to fish at the lake: attaching paper clips to a thread and the attaching a piece of bread to the paper clip. Somehow fish in the Beiray lake went for this bait and Nilano, Anton and the rest manage to catch some fish. Nilano had a plan and brought salt, pepper, a pot from home. His mother has seen him preparing salt and pepper and asked him why he was taking them. He told her mother that he was required to bring these by the school! Then they have cooked the fish and eaten them. But when the classes began, the class was full of fish smell and the teacher was eager to find out how.

Nilano also related the how he adventured into the neighboring home for the aged compound over a wall separating it and our school to pluck mangoes from a tree in that compound. While he was plucking mangoes, an German shepherd dog was on the loose and came to attack him. He hung on the branch of the tree and the dog was jumping high to get hold of his leg. He somehow managed to climb up the tree and jump over the wall to escape the menacing dog.

Anton then related the story of Rajiv’s Raleigh bicycle. In around 1982-83 period, Rajiv Cadiramanpulle sometimes came to school by his bicycle. Anton was looking at the bicycle with admiration and Rajiv asked him why you are looking at it like this. Anton told him that he really liked the bicycle. It was a Friday and Rajiv told Anton, “take it home and bring it back on Monday.” Anton did not expect such an offer. Immediately, Anton told Rajiv, “But I don’t know how to ride it.” Rajiv told him, “then take it and learn to ride it.” Anton took the offer but there was a problem. As he did not know how to ride it, how to bring it to his home? His home was at least about 10km away from the school! There was no other option than to push the bicycle, which he did under burning sun. It has taken hours for him to push the bicycle all the way to Pilapitiya. But then, he learned how to ride it over the weekend and on Monday rode it back to school. Today he rides one of those nice Harley Davidson motorcycles.

Around 5pm, we thought we had to set off. We bid farewell to Nilano and his family and started our journey back to DC. Anton, who drove all the way to NC told me he is fine to drive back to DC as well. He was a confident and experienced driver and I felt safe while he was the driver. On the way back we started to share our feelings of this trip. Anton told me that this trip, although it was a very tiring one, was fully worth the trouble. We felt that we were somehow destined to take on this trip to reunite. We had a lot of concern with relation to Nilano. We did not know his full story, but we knew he has gone through a lot more than most of us in his life. Moreover, he is in need of help, in particular, medical help. Anton and I brainstormed various options. And at the end thought it is much better if Nilano could go back to Sri Lanka for treatment. At least his family and friends will be around him. In NC, he was a bit lonely except his ex-wife and children.

We also felt that there was an unspoken side of Nilano. We got some hints from him but did not have the time to talk about those things. Nilano did mention that he hear things and see things: which resembles trauma. Has he had some bad experiences in combat? If so how to help him?

At the end of the day, when we were reaching DC, we felt a complete sense of fulfillment. Although we tired, Anton more than me, perhaps the overwhelming emotions managed to overshadow our fatigue.

We grabbed sandwich for dinner which we ate standing. Then Anton dropped me at Bethesda and bid farewell. Together we have spent about 30 hours and most of it driving along interstate roads through the state of Virginia. Anton had to catch an early morning flight back to Calgary. I returned to my basement room at Rosemary and David’s home with full of excitement than fatigue. Various scenes from the day were running in my head like flashbacks. It was Anton who suggested we drive to see Nilano. He has done the math before making the suggestion. I immediately thought it was a fantastic idea and went along. And Anton executed the plan with great precision. I was just a passenger in the car playing old Sri Lankan music. But we re-bonded ourselves and left each other with renewed friendship and affection and a mission in mind to find a way to help Nilano.